wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
