Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
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I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
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I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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