so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
