2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
