Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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