what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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