Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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