Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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