Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
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you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
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I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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