She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
