I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
