Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
