how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
