I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
