All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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