We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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