We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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