At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
