I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
