he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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