I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Randomize
