i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
