soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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