My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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