im drinking this country out of the recession.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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