i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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