I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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