theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
