she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Even my vagina gasped.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
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I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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