He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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