I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
