If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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