just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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