I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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