I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
