well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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