The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
