i just had sex bonerless
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
