and you said cock pushups were impossible
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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