Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
