I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
