That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
