Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
