the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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