Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
A+ Viking dick
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
