Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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