Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
