Your face is a jimmy john
wat bout pragnant strippers??
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
