my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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