if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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