it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
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Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
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I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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