what day is it and did you see me today?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
