he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
