just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
