If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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