Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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