how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
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