as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
