I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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