dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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