Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
