How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
