You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
